April 9, 2012, 11:00 am. April 9, 2012, 6:35 pm, Not highly infectious, huh? But it doesnt matter what you think of her or her decision to carry your boyfriends baby. Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. lets_be_honest But again the adoption makes that all moot. All I can say is therapy. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. Whether or not she trapped him is irrelevant, in my opinion. And frankly, the more money and less contact the baby gets from your boyfriend, the better off he or she will be (not that s/he has much of a chance, given the nest of grown-ups s/hes coming into). Yep. Maam, hes made a choice. Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? Heres how I interpreted it. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. He cant try and opt out of the rules that he knew he was playing by when he had sex with this woman. I got the impression that he was furious that she opted to keep the baby and quite possibly that she misrepresented being on birth control, not that she had the audacity to become pregnant after sex. Dont engage in the action. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. We started dateing again and have been for about 3 months and we have plans to save money and get an apartment. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. My sister has 3 birth control babies. Both sexes suffer from inequalities in the reproductive process due to biology. No. Child support, such as it is, is frequently used as stealth spousal support. Go on about it all you want though. Shutterstock. Neither are the kids, but thats beside the point where feminism is concerned, right?, And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters.. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. P.S. Yet when it came to her most recent boyfriend, John . wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! 2. Typical female (notice I didnt use the word woman, because she isnt grown up enough to be one) wants to control every man and every bank account around her. What can you change? April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. Ill never in a million years get it. Do you want a man who doesnt want to be in a childs life because it means being with you? April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. April 9, 2012, 12:16 pm. Its crazy how much abject hatred there is out there. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. He can change his mind at any time and will likely get visitation at minimum. I do believe that many accidental pregnancies are not so accidental, but that is all the more reason for people who engage in casual sex, and are dead set against having kids, to do everything in their power to avoid having them! That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? It belongs to the child and the law is concerned with ensuring the best interests of the child above all else. But anyway, in case its not fake if this guy isnt lying about only knowing this woman for two minutes then yeah, shes an idiot for wanting to keep the baby. To everyone. Whats your lawyers address? A forty-year-old man knows exactly how women get pregnant and how to avoid that if he absolutely doesnt want a baby. Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. Not a double standard at all. I mean, I know guys are suppose to stick up for guys, but come on.. Dude, get away from this guy pronto! I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? I never grew up thinking there was something wrong with me because my biological father wasnt ready or willing to be a father to me. You deserve better than that (and ditto what everyone else has said your beef is with your scumbag boyfriend, not the other girl or the baby). Cried my eyeballs out evry nite. Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho. April 9, 2012, 11:54 am. He could be the a killer robot. Who knew? And she doesnt have to be a liar to have been on antibiotics, thus rendering the pill largely ineffective. Its not exactly the same by any means, but similar enough for me to have thought it. And it seems to me that he isnt looking to get back together with you because hell die without you; it seems like hes trying to escape the clutches of responsibility by retreating to what he knows As in, someone who takes no issue with his immaturity and irresponsibility. You pack of hypocrites. Does that make him an asshole? The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested. She doesnt tell the waiter that she has a peanut allergy, because she assumes that simply ordering a dish without peanuts in it will protect her. Theyre eating each other alive, and theyre doing it up hill both ways, in three feet of snow, with no shoes on! Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. Good. The dream is a signal for your quest for power. Is it the fact that he wants something different from what she does that makes him scum? The NBA star is reportedly expecting his third child with personal trainer Maralee Nichols, per The Daily Mail. I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. Hes furious with the woman for keeping the child. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. That isnt misogyny. If I got pregnant by a guy who begged me to have one, I would tell him if he doesnt want this child he can just fuck off and I will raise him/her but I will not kill my own child for him. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. Now I also believe that the LW is exposing herself to STDs not this guy, because she knows that he had unprotected sex with another women, and she still chooses to be with him either way. Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. And, you are not the choice. April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. Why do you assume everything is so laid back though? How fast his new relationship is moving. April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. im just annoyed that so many people (at least many of the LWs here) act as if birth control or std prevention isnt something they need to worry about. As for you LW, Im not even sure exactly what youre asking. Does he think hes too old to be a dad? April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. She wants to abort Jimmys baby. If the woman in question is also 40, I highly doubt her birth control failed. No man would abandon a woman he impregnates. Case in point: my mother was mentally ill, verbally and physically abusive, and vindictive enough to hurt my siblings and I just to spite my father, and she STILL got joint custody. lets_be_honest He says he'll do it after the first trimester as the girl's pregnancy is prone to miscarriage. However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. Its HERS, but it does not properly belong to either one of the men. I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Oops this was meant as a reply to Steve up there! She got pregnant. Idiots like the guy in the letter, dont. But it also tries to say that the man had a part in creating the child. Its not the situation, but the way its written. You see being nurturing as a weakness. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. we were truley in love. Heres a thought experiment for you: we are making DW history, here, people!!! That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. Ah, nothing like some good ol Internet fighting. I think hes an asshole for sleeping with a woman he cant stand without using a condom. FireStar 3) A parent leaving their child with the other parent, especially one they barely know, isnt the same as putting a child up for adoption. My issue is even, at the very least, if you dont want to wear a condom.then pull out!!! When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. Doesnt matter if they took every precaution to design the worlds best bottle. I agree with you regarding being a part of the childs life but I dont agree with you on the money aspect. What should I do, View related questions: Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? lets_be_honest Francine Your choice. My boyfriend and I split up for two months. Yes, its not a crime. kerrycontrary He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. This guy isnt worth anyones time. Thats true, but by the same token, wait a bit (a few days or at least a full conversation) to see if you can get along with someone on a basic level before jumping into bed with them. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. Painted_lady April 10, 2012, 6:56 pm. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. But I just don't know anymore. Your logic is weird. No one called him a criminal. Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. I'm devastated and broken. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. I'm still contemplating because if my boyfriend finds out, I'm afraid he'll leave me. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. April 9, 2012, 3:33 pm, bittergaymark I dont know whats causing all this rancor, RR, but its surely not just the letter. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. Hes made a choice. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. We dont know that she asked for any money. You are upset that someone read browbeat into the word ask but you have no problem making up a whole conversation in your head in the same breath no less even though the LW was explicit. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. 10. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. Maybe that outrage will be the catalyst for you to start a political career in order to change these laws that you feel are so unfair. One common definition: a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response. well, then Id run screaming the other way. And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . No. All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. Admirable restraint indeed. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? Also I take that because your boyfriend knew she was on the pill he didnt use a condom. Solved. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. Not your body, not your choice. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. If this happens, he STILL should not be welcomed back. Thank you, Roxy84! If a pregnancy results after you do the very thing you know can cause pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself and whining about your lack of choices or the burden of what you must now do is unproductive and frankly, a little too late. April 9, 2012, 2:44 pm. And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. Absolutely, positively, 100% wrong. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? At this point, its an easy thing to resolve this without decades of support and animosity. But you were split up for 2 months and cant bear to live without each other yet he didnt waste any time jumping into bed with someone he barely knows? And hopefully this childs mother will, too. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. landygirl Problem. Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. I dont want to be too harsh on the LW because emotions are a messy messy thing and Im not at all eloquent when Im upset. I think this would cut down on a LOT of baby mama drama with regards to accusations of women getting pregnant on purpose or trapping me with a baby. Because no matter how much we feminists on here hate that bullshit, it DOES happen. reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A He said hes willing to give that support, he just wont be there to actually raise his future child. And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. Wheww. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. But its her body Well, department of labor clearly shows that statistically a man in a low-paying job is far more likely to die in a workplace accident over the course of 18 years than a woman over a normal pregnancy. Given the particularities and context of any particular situation, there is a lot of unfairness to go around. You are being played with a capital P! This is a man that has never stopped cheating on you. Yes, the woman in question should have been just as involved in making sure she didnt get pregnant as the man. Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. Nope. I give up. Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? As for not wanting anything to do with her or her child, Im guessing that is momentary anger directed at her, not the child. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning.. The fact that a child is adopted does not somehow guarantee the theyll be cared for. If a woman is raped and aborts a child, there is nothing to support. If the woman wants to have a child, then she can, but thats a decision she makes because its happening in her own body. This is a great contrast to Wendys piece about Drew being a great husband/dad. female April 10, 2012, 7:09 pm. Well put. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. 17. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? If I ever get pregnant and the dude wants nothing to do with the child, I will not force him. Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards? The female of the species carry the offspring. Like raising a child is easy. Sure. lets_be_honest Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Reading your letter, you are far too immature to handle this. Please do better. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. And he took on the consequences. I always try to take what the LW says at face value though, and a lot of times I turn out to be very wrong when the updates come around, but I still always think its better to react to what they said not what I think they said. My Spidey sense is tingling that this could be a fake. personally i think this is a confusing, gray area that Im not sure I know the answer to. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have.. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. They dont want to have spirited logical debate, they want to vent and lash out at people. How silly I have been. It just doesnt mean that everything will be acceptable whole-heartedly. And while not using a condom might not be the end all be all of crazy mistakes, he should have known better. I dont know if hes a bad guy or not since we only have the ex-girlfriends side of the story. So he and the LW should break up for good. Men AND women both have decided, well after-the-fact, that no babies is better than having babies. I told her if its not about the kids, dont text him. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? Its one thing that he says he will pay for it (Im assuming this means child support), but a true father doesnt just look at this as a once a month payment for 18 years. That pretty much sums it up for me. If you dont want a baby use birth control. Made my day! You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. Meaning, a woman SHOULD ask the guy who knocked her up what he would like. I disagreed with a lot of your comments but I still enjoyed them. Get your hands off my uterus! It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. He didnt. John Rohan The hand and fingers were all bright red and black-and-blue under the nails. Bottom line. Chopper jump on another severe cold day with the right hand exposed to activate the reserve chute. and now he must deal with those consequences. Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. It takes two to make a baby. And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. April 9, 2012, 12:31 pm. She wants to live in a dorm with her friends and no way is she missing weeks of school to give birth. There is a massive difference between wanting a pregnancy to be terminated and deciding to have nothing to do with a child who has been born. His girlfriend got pregnant, they got engaged, realized they didnt work as a couple, they decided it was in the best interest of the child if he was not a part of her life in any way, shape, or form, and so he signed some legal documents waiving all parental rights to the child, which absolved him of any responsibility to provide child support. And my opinion doesnt change whether youre prepared to have a kid. Is that pretty much it? I get what youre saying. I know that everyone is focusing on that, but I think that the response would have been the same even if the LW had acknowledged this. Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? Again, no. WTF!!! It was one of those comments that deserved the opportunity to be liked twice anyway. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. Well, its possible that he didnt know her at all, but then after coitus he began to get to know her and things went downhill from there. There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. Offers may be subject to change without notice. Whether or not the current laws are unfair to the man are irrelevant since this child has already been conceived. Last I checked being gay doesnt mean you are also a genius who never makes mistakes. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. I dont know what to think or believe. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. Also, it implies that using a condom prevents pregnancy. And John, be real for a moment, and honestly tell me you jump in on a number of issues here and not to just defend your brethren who you perceive to be under attack. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Apparently the LW couldnt trap him either since they broke up. I often feel bad for the LWs who get called names and judged super harshly on this site and sometimes feel the need to defend them when they just seem lost and in need of some advice. He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? He didnt want a baby? Lots of it. What are your thoughts on an abortion? Even if she was on birth control.

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we broke up and he got another girl pregnant