IDK how that benefits anyone in the situation. That is, why exactly exes pop up after a breakup in the first place? Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. This post originally appeared at Attract The One. Different people have different norms around contact and friendship over time and after a relationship ends. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. You are moving on and they are jealous. The only way to stop overthinking in this situation is by either ignoring the message or giving a very indifferent response, which basically screams out that your ex doesnt matter to you anymore. Its easy to indulge an ex when you still have lingering feelings toward them. Consider whether your ex is entitled to this kind of work from you. And this isn't just a one year anomaly either. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. When you know why he or she reached out, youll be able to decide whether talking to your ex is even a good idea. It was two years since the end of the relationship this September and I feel like I have wasted two years of my lifetime. Press J to jump to the feed. They know they could never have given you the life you have now. Closure, like forgiveness, is something you do for yourself. Perhaps they feel genuinely guilty about hurting you so badly and cant find their peace until you forgive them. We dated about 8 years ago and he reached out around the 5 year mark. It could be your mental peace, could be the relationship with your new partner. Do not use it as an opportunity to continue the mud-slinging. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. But just because it's possible, it doesn't mean that it will happen on your terms. Remember, when an ex contacts you, you need to be answerable to yourself first. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. Do you want to pursue a relationship, friendship, acquaintanceship, or do you wish not to speak with your ex? "What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the . Instead of overthinking about what they might want, you should focus on where you stand in this whole situation. But instead of telling yourself something like, My ex contacted me after 2 years and Im starting to think they have genuinely changed, try to take a minute to assess the whole situation. You DO NOT have to maintain a protocol, thinking that itll be too rude to not reply. But if youre reconnecting with an ex after 10 years or so, they might be texting you out of a sense of nostalgia and friendliness. And that I kind of think he shouldn't have stayed married if he wanted to pursue polyamory, because of what it did to his wife? They bounce from relationship to relationship and leave when they can no longer ignore their significant others flaws. She reached out a few years ago but she didn't really make any effort to apologize and kind of half-asses the friendship now. I had an ex reaching out to me after 4 years, he left me for someone else but never owned up to it after the breakup, but I knew and so did many of our friends. Im not talking about questions about your exs life, but rather about his or her reasons for reaching out. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? Dont reconnect expecting the relationship to start back up at the depth it existed years ago. Let me know what your plans are in the comments below. Thanks once again. Would this be considered bredacrumbing or did he just want to check how I was? Turns out, we have thought about each other since and by the time she realised, was too late as I had married the next women I went out with. My ex has reached out to me a handful of times over the last 15 years. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. If thats the case, theres no harm in having a casual conversation. Something is often wrong when an ex comes back into the picture years later. Good emotional support is tough to come by out there in the cold, dark dating world. 6. I think she just wanted to test the waters for a while since she missed you. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? But dont rush into setting a date for a catch-up over coffee. Nevertheless, when an ex contacts you years later, this is what it means. (ETA: Not in an obsessive "someday-we'll-be-together-again" way, lol. The next time was about 5 years after that. After years of single life and suffering from loneliness, they decide to get back together with their ex. That usually means theyve contacted you for some companionship and not for anything serious. Talking again was good, and I'm happy we did. I think you did the right thing. But at the same time, youre curious as to why they are reaching out. We shared that we'd both stayed hung up on each for years after the break up. I have no idea what to do. Several reasons exes may contact you are below. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding, How a Stronger Body Can Transform Your Identity, Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. I could tell knowing the truth was a huge weight off his mind. What does it mean when an ex contacts you years later? I told him we could talk over the phone. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. (I mean, obviously, right?) If youve healed, youre not going to overthink too much. Truth be told, seeing your ex gallivanting around happily after your breakup isnt what anyone wants. You must keep in mind that your ex (the dumper) decides what kind of a relationship is possible. The bitterness, anger, and disappointment buried deep down may rear their ugly heads when this text lights up your screen. A little bit of backstory, when I was younger I was in the Air Force and stationed at a Air base in another state. Someone in their life could have randomly brought you up in conversation. Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. When an ex contacts you, you need to weigh the pros and cons practically. Thank you Zan for your perspective. However, if youre thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely. I guess, theoretically, the other person could help you find closure but they don't need to do that, and asking them to do that is a big and (possibly) inappropriate task to put upon an ex. That's actually something I thought of doing. She said, Wow, instant reply. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. she also said as a married woman, an affair would be devastating and destructive. But theyre really hoping that youll end up in bed together. Discussions must remain civil at all times, and women must be allowed to dominate the discussion. You slipped back into a temporary depression, but this wont last long. Wants your help with something. To handle an ex coming back with dignity, you should ponder on all the probable scenarios to stay a step ahead of them. You dont dictate the pace, criticize your ex, or talk about the breakup. I'm not annoyed by it, I just don't understand if it makes sense? Your life will probably look a lot different now to when you were with your ex. I just mean that we still had feelings for a long time.) Until you reach 41 weeks, your provider may not do anything unless there are problems. I think I'm willing to give it a second try.". TL;DR: Yes, because our break-up needed closure. You dont owe anyone an explanation for not responding. I hadn't recognized him at all bc he was a late bloomer -- he'd still been boy-looking back when I'd known him. Instant replies hint at either interest or an unfulfilling life and even if both might be true, dont let your ex pick up on that. The next thing you know, youre back in an unhealthy relationship because you were enticed by a moment of weakness. Society typically tells us that people don't change. 1. We're all human. Its up to you. My ex was the dumper and sent an e-mail after 4+ years of no contact. Think about your life right now. Its okay if your ex doesnt contact you, Linda. Why would an ex contact you years after the relationship ended? And if theres a new partner in the picture, the green-eyed monster might rear its ugly head. When an ex contacts you years later, talk to someone about it, 5. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. If exes come back when you stop caring, youve got to make sure you remember not to rush into anything and not over-indulge. My ex owes me money which I want back, nearly $1000 dollars and I have been unable to collect since the pandemic began,I want my money and I am going to reach out for it. Reach out because youd like to reconnect to see where someone is at in their life, to share a memory of past times, or offer a show of support and caring. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. If your ex doesnt want to be your friend, for example, you obviously wont be able to be friends with your ex. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. Many years have passed since you were together, so naturally, youve matured and changed quite a bit. Maybe theyve spent the past couple of years thinking about how perfect you were together and that they havent had a better relationship since. When were scared, we long for the familiar, and right now, many of us are afraid or concerned in ways that we havent been before ever in our lives. Maybe you thought youve made your peace with whatever happened with your ex. But apparently it has haunted him for 12 years enough to find me and ask. This isnt the time to look for alternative sources of happiness. There are some things only you know about your partner. As youve read, its the norm for people to get back together after theyve been broken up for years. So, depending on that, choose if you want to keep any contact with your ex. I get why you feel the need to give this person closure, but please know: that's not your responsibility. I think that she would really appreciate hearing that and she deserves it. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), What To Do When An Ex Reaches Out After Years, Is It Common For Exes To Get Back Together Years Later. Anger is part of the journey to acceptance and moving on, so if they're still holding anger, resentment, or bitterness, they haven't totally healed. If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. Yeah - no. What Does It Mean When A Guy Calls You Sweet. It means that you must wait for your ex to verbalize or show what he or she wants. People change over time, relationships shift, and priorities and interests shift as well.
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